Went to church yesterday to pass Hui Shan her Graphic Cal and since i was there with Wei Jie and her, i became their invigilator for their math mock test. Using this time i started reading The Heavenly Man and i manage to finish it in the evening. This book has really formed a watershed in my spiritual life, it made me rethink and evaluate the relationship i have with God.
I have always thought that my faith is stronger than other brothers and sisters in Christ, but reading the book opened my eyes to another world, a world with only God and me. There is no use comparing your faith with other people because in the end the faith that you are talking about is the belief in GOD and not other people, so what is the use of comparing your belief with other people? I feel so ashamed halfway through the book that i cried when Wei Jie and Hui Shan was busy trying to finish their math paper. I have always done the minimum for God, from praying to worshiping to spreading the gospel. When was the last time i spread the gospel? I cant remember. If i really believed in saving lost souls for God than i could have been as active as Brother Yun from the book. He has been suffering for Christ and the gospel for many years but i have never been tested like he does, and yet i fail God every time. I have never stood firmly for my own beliefs, when people question me, i fall into a state of confusion and wonder if what they say makes sense? And because i do the minimum for God, i am not well equipped to defend my own ground.
What disturbed me greatly was when i was reading, brother Yun unfortunately Got himself into sticky situations when he stumbled and yet i was thinking ” Ha, if i have been in his shoe, i would have…and not…”, then something struck me. Given his situation, i would also have fallen, because it is God who wants to teach us lessons to help us grow spiritually. If you are proud, God lets you stumble so you would humble yourself in front of him and use God’s abundant resources instead of man’s limited resources. Pride overcame Yun and i think i am too of letting my pride get the better of me sometimes…well…maybe most of the time. Oh God teach me how to humble myself so that i would always use Your power instead of my own.
I think that i am living too well now that i have already taken everything for granted. I have never really thought how fortunate that i am born in a place like Singapore where i have able to worship freely to my God. God has given me so much blessing yet i still grumble when my grandma does shabby cooking, when i don’t have enough money, even when in packing to move house( some people don’t even have a house). Let me thank God for everything he has given me, especially the people around me. Let me always cherish the ones who always give me support in my life when i am down, with God as first priority.
God has given me a many talents to serve him, but i have never really develop my talents fully to be able to use them to glorify his name, therefore let me practice real hard for music so that i can serve him well enough.I am honored that God has given this opportunity for me to serve in the music ministry and allow me to serve him thus i should use this opportunity well. Let me serve You with a willing heart and do whatever You tell me to. Let me sing like no one is listening, dance like no one is watching and worship like there is only You and i in this world.
” For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light” Ephesians 5:8
